7 “Check-Points” Before Having that Hard Conversation

Every day we have situations that cause us stress, frustration, and allow us to lose our peace, joy and happiness. So, what do we do? 

Our first instinct, (I do this too), is to SHIFT BLAME. 

   * It’s not my fault, it’s them.  If they weren’t so…

   * I would have been on time, but it was raining, and blah, blah, blah…

   * I can’t get you that project next week, because so and so…

   * I have so much going on, how can they expect that of me? 

   * If my situation was different than of course I could, but…

Sound familiar? These excuses come in little and big packages and we know them so well. 

But…WARNING…not looking in the mirror FIRST, is incredibly dangerous and damaging for you, them, and your team. 

Of course it’s much easier to see the giant blindspot in someone else’s life than to do the uncomfortable work of looking in the mirror and dealing with your own blindspot. 

So, before you have that hard conversation, point the finger, and…SHIFT BLAME ūüėČ – here are 7 ways to double check if you’ve done your homework and looked in the mirror first. ūüėČ 

 1.  Emotion is Out of the Equation

* Instead of being driven by anger, frustration, panic, hurt, etc…You have calmed down and your emotions are no longer driving your need for a solution.¬†¬†

 2.  You Have Greater Compassion for the Situation/Person

* Now one of your driving emotions is compassion, because you are able to see from a new perspective and have more UNDERSTANDING on what’s really going on.¬†

 3. Urgency is Gone & You are Working on You 

* Before there may have been an unhealthy need and urgency to talk to this person or resolve the situation IMMEDIATELY,¬†but now you’ve “released control” and see it in a more healthy light and time frame.¬†

 4. You Begin to Discern the Appropriate Boundary / Consequence 

* Boundaries are first and foremost about YOU.¬† No longer will you let this situation or person hinder you or your team’s success, so you take the appropriate steps and make your adjustments.¬†

¬†5. You Don’t Take False Responsibility¬†for the Solution

* More than likely you already have the “ideal solution” all mapped out in your head and don’t even realize you’ve robbed them of taking ownership of their part in the¬†story. When you poise the problem as something you want to work out together, everyone has to OWN their part.¬†¬†

¬†6. Your Agenda Isn’t to Fix Them¬†

* Before dealing with you, you more than likely would have come with a list of things they needed to change, but now you only want to share with them your sense of reality and have an actual two-way conversation.  

 7.  Your Motive & Intent Has Shifted

* Now your motive and intent has shifted from taking care of YOU…to being genuinely concerned for the person and the team and wanting the best results for everyone. 

Of course, I am sure I am missing some, so please don’t hesitate to reach out and share your own helpful experiences. ūüôā 

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